


Worth It

by ezazahaz



Category: Political Animals
Genre: Angst, Coming Out, Drugs, M/M, Poor Life Choices, Positive Life Choices, letting go
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-28
Updated: 2016-03-28
Packaged: 2018-05-29 12:12:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,742
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6374260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ezazahaz/pseuds/ezazahaz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Congressman Sean Reeves finally comes out, what effect will it have on TJ?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Worth It

TJ’s phone rang. He didn't recognize the number, so he debated just letting it ring, but he was curious and bored enough to answer anyway. “Hello?”

“Hey, TJ.”

The familiar voice sent a surge of emotions flowing through him. His heart started pounding. He wanted to throw up, he wanted to cry, he wanted to throw the phone out the window, he wanted to clutch it to his chest.

Instead, he just said, as calmly as possible, “Sean.”

“I’m--look, I’m sorry for what happened… before. Things have changed for me lately, and I wanted you to know before I tell the public.”

“Tell the public…?” There were a lot of things a Republican Congressman could tell the public, some of which were more relevant to TJ than others.

“I’m coming out, TJ.”

TJ’s mouth moved, but he couldn’t speak. Finally, he managed, “That’s--that’s great.”

He could hear the smile in Sean’s voice--God, he loved that smile--as he replied, “Yeah. I’m ready now.”

The convoluted emotions rose up again, but TJ forced them back, trying to speak casually, “I’m happy for you. When’s the big reveal?”

“Press conference, tomorrow afternoon.”

“Awesome. I’ll be there.”

“You don’t have to--”

“No, I--I want to support you, this is great.”

“Thanks, TJ.”

~~~

TJ spent far too much time debating what to wear, trying to find just the right outfit to go with the shirt he remembered Sean liked. Then he spent too much time on his hair, which meant he didn’t leave enough time to decide whether to bring flowers, but maybe that was for the best. Nobody brings flowers to a press conference; that’d be weird, right?

His heart was pounding as cameras flashed, Sean stepping up to the microphone. He looked as attractive as ever, but now there was a lightness to his step, a lack of the tension he’d always seemed to carry. It looked like he really was happy to be coming out, letting himself be who he really was, and it was an amazing look on him.

His speech was nothing new; coming out in the political arena was practically old bag by now. It was a little more surprising with Republicans, but even then, he wasn’t he first. He apologized for lying to his country, his family. He thanked his wife for her grace in accepting the truth about who he was. Then…

“I’d also like to thank a man who’s been there for me, who helped me figure out who I am and what I need to do to be honest with myself and others. The man I love…”

TJ’s heart was racing, in hope or fear or both.

“Mateo Guzman.” Sean put out an arm, and a buff, dark, and handsome man stepped out onto stage and walked to Sean. Sean took the man’s hand, but didn’t kiss him, instead posing in a respectable, conservative manner for the many camera flashes.

TJ didn’t hear the rest of the speech. He just stared at Sean and tried to breathe.

When it was over, TJ pulled himself together enough to make his way to the path the two would take to leave the building. Ignoring Sean entirely, he made eye contact with Guzman, pitching his voice so the other man would hear him but most of the shouting reporters wouldn’t.

“He’s gonna break your heart. Whatever pretty fucking lies he’s told you, he’s only going to hurt you.”

Guzman looked mildly confused and casually dismissive, but TJ felt Sean’s eyes on him.

TJ turned and left without another word.

~~~

Omar greeted him like a long-lost brother, oblivious as always to TJ’s mental state. Which was a relief--TJ didn’t feel up to answering any well-meaning questions. Not capable of even pretending to engage in conversation, he just paid for and pocketed the coke.

Shock and numbness carried him to his apartment. Once he closed the door and achieved privacy, however, he collapsed and started sobbing.

Dragging himself to the kitchen, he pulled out the bottle of Jack Daniels disguised as cooking wine, and took a deep swig. Then he made his way to the table and pulled out the baggies he’d just bought.

The first coke he’d bought in six months.

Six months he was going to throw away. For Sean. Again.

How many times was he going to let the bastard do this to him?

In an instant, the self-pity was eclipsed by anger. Anger at the right person for once, because dammit, TJ may have brought a hell of a lot of crap down upon himself, but he didn’t deserve what that asshole had done to him, hurting him over and over.

He threw the bottle of Jack across the room, enjoying the crash of the glass shattering on the living room wall, not giving a shit about the shards flying or the liquid staining the carpet. With a growl, he swept the unopened baggies onto the floor, the motion smashing his elbow on the island counter.

“Goddamn son of a _bitch_!” he yelled, tears returning anew.

Gripping his injured elbow, he turned his back on the mess he’d made, walking unsteadily but determinedly to his bedroom.

He collapsed on the bed and pulled out his phone. There were several missed calls he apparently hadn’t noticed. His family must have seen or heard about the press conference, and guessed he would do--well, what he’d been about to do.

He selected a number and hit Call.

“I need you.”

He’d managed a return to numbness, he didn’t know for how long, when there was a pounding at the door. Even sitting up seemed an insurmountable task, so he was relieved when he heard the sound of a key and the door opening.

“TJ?” Doug’s voice called. It was the voice of someone trying to sound calm, so they don’t spook an injured animal and get mauled by it. Then, under his breath but very audible, “Jesus,” presumably a reaction to the mess of the kitchen and living room. “TJ?!”

“In here,” TJ said, his voice barely louder than a whisper.

Either Doug had phenomenal hearing, or else he made a reasonable guess for where to find him, because a moment later he was standing in the doorway.

“Hey, Dougie,” TJ said, trying to plaster on a smile.

Doug wasn’t smiling. “Jesus, TJ, what did you do? How much did you take?”

“Nothing.”

Doug moved to the bed, pulling TJ up and sitting across from him, Doug’s hands on his shoulders the only thing holding him up. “Tell me the truth. How much of what did you take?”

“Swig o’ Jack. That’s all, I swear.” He hated when they didn’t believe him. He hated it even more when he was actually telling the truth.

“And the stuff in the kitchen is what, powdered sugar?” Doug’s sarcasm was biting.

“Bought coke. Didn’t use it.”

Doug studied him for a long moment, but TJ could tell when he finally decided to believe him. “You didn’t.”

TJ shook his head. Then he took a deep breath and forced out the words, “You should flush it.”

Doug’s eyes widened. “Seriously?” Then he seemed to realize he shouldn’t look a gift horse in the mouth. “I mean, yeah. I’ll do that.”

TJ nodded, feeling the numbness starting to take over again.

“Hey.” Doug shook him slightly. “What happened? Are you okay?”

That second one was one of TJ’s least favorite questions. Mostly because the answer was usually _no_ , but that wasn’t the answer people wanted. “You know about the press conference?”

Doug nodded. “We were worried.” The addendum-- _about what you’d do_ \--was always there but seldom spoken.

“He told me about it yesterday,” TJ admitted. Doug looked surprised at that, but didn’t say anything. “Well, sorta. He told me he was coming out. Kinda left out the part where he’d found someone worth coming out for.”

His next breath turned into a sob, and Doug pulled him in for a hug. “He’s an asshole.”

“Yeah,” he mumbled into Doug’s shoulder. He took a slow, deep breath. “I wasn’t worth it, Dougie.”

Doug pulled back to look him in the eye. “I don’t think it was about you, or his new guy. He’s chosen a good time politically to come out; hell, he’s probably trying to get more of the Hispanic vote--”

TJ didn’t want to hear more about the shitty ways politics work. Anyway, “That’s not my point. I’m not--I wasn’t worth it to him, so why should I let him be worth anything to me? Worth ruining my own life--again?” His mouth twisted. “I’m not gonna end up in the hospital a third time because of him, when he never cared about me enough to even consider coming out.”

Doug raised his eyebrows, and then he was studying TJ’s face again. “That’s why you chose not to use the coke?”

TJ nodded firmly, swallowing. “He’s not worth it.”

Doug smiled. “Damned right he’s not.” He reached forward and ruffled TJ’s hair. “I’m proud of you, bro.”

His stomach got the squirmy feeling it always did when his family said something like that--a combination of pleasure at being praised for finally doing something right, and disgust with himself for being praised over something so basic as _not_ doing drugs.

But if he could concentrate on the the pride, the achievement of refusing to allow Sean that power over him again... Maybe he could get past this, could finally get past Sean. The man just wasn’t worth any more of TJ’s time, wasn’t worth his life (which was saying something, considering how little TJ felt his life was worth most of the time). It was time to let him go.

Suddenly TJ felt weightless, a euphoria better than any he’d gotten from a high in years. He put on his best shit-eating grin. “Proud enough to clean up the broken glass and booze in the living room for me?”

Doug rolled his eyes, still smiling. “Don’t push your luck.”

After flushing the coke, Doug ended up helping him clean up the mess anyway. Then he called their parents to forestall any further worry on that end, and the two brothers settled in to watch some mindless action movie.

TJ wasn’t in love, he wasn’t on drugs, and he was happy. That was an unusual experience for him. He decided it was something worth trying more often.


End file.
